What can I say to you now that I'm older than you, Dear Mother?

What can I say to you now that I'm older than you, Dear Mother?

What can I say to you now that I'm older than you, Dear Mother?

The 24 years since you left on 7.7.1994 seem like a mere snap of a finger.  A nothingness in time...
I can never get that voice of yours out of my mind. And I thank my Creator for that ability. 
That ability to never forget your voice, though I haven't heard it in 24 years strengthens me to fight just a bit better than I would had I never heard your soul in my ears...
Your voice is a part of me.
(And, yes, I still do listen to it when I'm *about* to get into unnecessary trouble but, still have enough perspective to still listen to your voice and FEEL your "side-eye"! :-) )
Whether or not there's a Heaven or Hell.
Whether or not I will experience the *real* you again.
Whether or not the Earth crumbles.
Whether or not the Sun flames out in 500 Billion years or so.
Whether or not any other human being has anything against you...
I still stand with you, will stand by you until I'm less than dust, and will continue to thank you, thank you, thank you for giving birth to me and for letting me discover and interact with the world on my own odd terms...
It was my blessing to know you and to be forged by you for the few decades you forged me in the midst of the unrelenting adversarial conditions of poverty and racism and sexism and classism and elitism and all those other isms alien to our understanding of the world.
As seriously and as clearly as I can state it, I even thank you for the pain I'm in at this very moment. 
For pain clarifies and, indeed, defines and shows our power.  
None of us would suffer pain which we have power to end.
Not having power to end pain, sets the limit on the "unlimited power" which some of us can imagine, which some of us can "THINK OF"... but cannot execute on...
But, where there *isn't* pain is power...
So, even for the pain I'm in, I thank you.
And that because you've already gone through much more pain than I'm experiencing. 
You've gone through the ultimate pains of being born, living a challenging life, conceding to cancer and giving back life... to move on...
As long as there is light in my mind, I'll shine some of it towards reviewing the ferocious way in which you DEMONSTRATED life to me and *attempted* to raise me! (I still don't know what you were thinking when you tried to raise me alone but, I thank you for it! (And I thank you for not killing me when you had AMPLE justification! :-) )
Eternally,
Vincent

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