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A Fighting Spirit (or Where's The Quality Care In Rushing The Dying Into Eternity?)

The social worker said to me "It would be nice if she could just let go."

She said this - with the best of intentions - in reference to my mother who has been struggling with multiple myeloma since being diagnosed with it eight years ago.

Ordinarily this statement would not have caught my attention except that I had recently cautioned a friend about her penchant to rush through traffic.

We rush, we rush, we rush! We rush into life; we rush through life; and now it seems that we should rush out of life!

What next? Shall we rush through eternity?

Where's the "quality care" in that kind of thinking?

This "RUSH" mentality is symptomatic of a "dis-eased" philosophy!

I'd like to think that at least the death process can be a time of intimacy between a person and their God. And intimacy should never be rushed!

Of course, my mother's body has been ravaged by this disease and I struggle to remember her with that abundant physical strength with which she raised me.

But we don't love our mothers for their bodies - we love them for their SPIRIT! And as long as her spirit is alive in that ragged body of hers, I want her to live every nanosecond of her life.

If I appear to be a doting son or a momma's boy, so be it. But she proved herself to be a tremendous friend to me and I know that if I were suffering from cancer and she had strength, I would have "quality" attention - and NO suggestion of letting go!

Could you look at your best friend and encourage them to "let go" of their final seconds; to let go of the final vestiges of the universe's greatest miracle? (A friend is a friend and just because she also happens to be your mother doesn't mean that she should be treated differently.)

For whose benefit should we want her to rush through her dying process? Certainly not for my benefit - for I learn new and fruitful things from her every day.

We don't know what kind of communication is going on inside the womb as a new person is being developed, nor do we know the nature of the communication that is going on inside a person who is dying. Though under the influence of morphine, to observe my mother in her sleep, saying, "Yes, Jesus", "Yes, Jesus", as if she were respectfully conversing with the Lord, is a wonder and a beauty to me.

Though her verbal communication has been greatly reduced and her body has all but vanished, the spirit that I know as my mother - the spirit that has loved, chastised and forged me - is as strong as ever in her.

I don't believe in Kevorkianism!

There are lessons in pain. Witnessing pain educates those of us who want to learn from it. It teaches us to savor life more fully. It teaches us to be better, more comprehensive lovers of life and it is the best teacher of empathy. And empathy is the beginning of "quality care".

Tags: cancer, dying, dying process, eternity, friend, kevorkianism, mom, mother, multiple myeloma, rushing

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Comment by Mike O'Hare on March 21, 2011 at 6:28pm: As this discussion is partly about letting go, I thought it appropriate to let you read an article by my writing partner for The Meadow, Elfreda Pretorius. It's called, simply Letting Go. Just click on the title which will take you to The Healing Book Group at WRDF. It's a new group posted there but not on other Ning networks. If Vincent thinks its appropriate to post this group on any other site, I have no objections to putting it on MyLinkingPowerForum.

Comment by Vincent Wright on March 21, 2011 at 5:22pm: Thanks kindly, Jeff.

Just to clarify a bit: The social worker words about "letting go" was about her wanting my MOTHER "to let go".

Of course, with her inordinate tenacity, "letting go" was a completely alien concept to my mother. (I was proud of her when she was able to let go of her physical existence...the spiritual one is just as palpable as ever, Jeff...)

Comment by Vincent Wright on March 7, 2011 at 10:47am: Thanks, Mike.

By the way: While this is primarily a business network, I've intentionally incorporated more philosophical, spiritual, artistic things into the site, as well...many of get our real power from such things...and it is that power which I believe helps us to do business better and, thereby, live by...

Comment by Mike O'Hare on March 7, 2011 at 10:32am: What a shame that we take so many things for granted. It isn't until our lives change dramatically or it becomes too late before we take a closer look at ourselves and those with whom we share. This may be primarily a business network but even that must evolve out of some kind of philosophy which takes us to our roots. Perhaps the members here at this network should slow down and look in more often at experiences such as yours, Vincent instead of rushing here, there and everywhere. You are correct in your assumption regarding the 'rushed' mentality.

Comment by Vincent Wright on October 24, 2008 at 2:27am: Lucinda,
Do you need to talk? If so, feel free to give me a call: 1-860-967-0563

(You and your daughter seem to be dancing the same mother-daughter dance my sister danced with my mother. Though my sister has now somewhat compensated by having unbelievably strong relationships with her 3 great daughters, she and I almost never talk without her telling me about a dream she had about our mother - 14 years after we last held her...)

Keep STRONG, Lucinda - and do call me if you need an ear...
Vincent

Comment by Lucinda (Cindy) Foster Grace on October 24, 2008 at 1:43am: Ah Vincent.

More tears have been shed tonight for more reasons than you can imagine...most of them having to do with being a mother and being a daughter.

I sojourned in the land of my birth last week and it was meaningful and difficult. Some of my thoughts are recorded here mixed in with the humorous detritus of my daily life. http://fuzzyredrobe.blogspot.com/2008/10/red-state.html

Now I face a 17 year old daughter who has made some very poor decisions lately and in her fear and frustration has labeled me villain for loving her enough to call her on it. Hateful words uttered, no matter how emotionally wrought, are painful to the one to whom those words are aimed.

I agree with you...we rush too much. However, at the end, I whispered to my Mother, "If you are ready, then I am willing." I wanted her to know that she had my blessing in either lingering here or embarking on the new journey that awaits us after this one is over.

Comment by Vincent Wright on September 21, 2008 at 8:43pm: Thomas,
Though we're talking about the more serious things family member can face, it's already a joy having you join us on this site. I believe we have MUCH to discuss...

Thanks for sharing - and - Keep STRONG, Thomas!
Vincent

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